Sunday, October 19th
Campaign worried over accusations of socialism. At first was unconcerned as Americans notoriously uneducated and likely to believe ‘socialism’ a reference to the celebrity party scene—and everyone loves people who are social!—but soon realized ‘socialism’ is on Wikipedia and therefore can be read by millions of quasi-educated citizens.
Friday October 17th
Although still distraught over Madonna divorce, have recovered enough to discuss most essential aspect of final debate…FASHION!!!
Knew all along clothes for this debate of UTMOST importance, as is final statement to American public about personal styles of potential First Ladies. And as any good fashionista knows, in situation like this you’ve got to take fashion risks; be a style maverick. And, I’m pleased to say, I think I hit this one out of the park. Chose military-themed skirt suit to emphasize husband’s war hero past, and deep orange because it matches spray-on tan. Though don’t know why John ruined every picture by sticking tongue out; is like dealing with a five-year-old sometimes.
Friday October 17th
Forced by Rick to appear on Late Night with Letterman and apologize for skipping previously scheduled appearance, as absence somehow presented "deep insult" to public. It seems skipping Letterman of more consequence to American People than solving financial crisis, or zipping over to Miss Alaska Governor Palin’s interview with Katie couric to give Sarah new cue cards before she destroyed campaign altogether.
Friday, October 17th 10:27AM
After breakfast this morning, Michelle handed me list of faults. Said sheâ??d written it at Jon Stewart's suggestion, but wanted to wait until after last debate so as â??not to crush your fragile ego.â? Ha. As if she doesnâ??t know that messiahâ??s ego cannot be crushed.
October 16th, 2008
Sad, sad day. End of an era, really. Have been wearing black in mourning for culmination of long, wearying journey; the facades kept up, the lies told. At least now that it’s over we can end the accusations, the rumors, the facetiousness…
Dear me! John just got on bus and yelled that I had campaign staff in a tizzy; apparently staff thought mournful behavior sign J giving up race before he slid any further in the polls. John said no need for me to wear black and cause scene, dissolution of Madonna’s marriage “not really that big deal”.
Does he KNOW how big Madonna is?! Did he LIVE through the 80s?! Ummm as nearly 80 himself, pretty certain he did.
Wednesday October 15th
Wednesday October 16th
Final debate a blow-out win! Put that Harvard whipper-snapper in his place, maverick-style! Just high-fived everyone on campaign bus! Haven’t felt this fired up since appearance on The View! Campaign resurrected! Here comes Rick with the poll results now, I’m sure they will be…
Wednesday, October 15th
Friday October 14th
Am exhausted. Up horrendously late preparing for final debate. Campaign staff seems quite jittery about tomorrow but am not nervous, no sir. Exactly where I wanted to be in the polls. Would you think a maverick would be winning? No, you wouldn’t! You’d expect him to be unexpectedly and inexplicably behind—despite vastly superior political experience and war-hero record—and make amazing last minute underdog comeback despite fact he wasn’t expected to be underdog in the first place. And I have to do exactly what the American People would expect out of a maverick, which is the unexpected.
Explained this to Rick, who started pulling his hair out muttering about circular reasoning. Poor guy must be tired too.