List of My Important Endorsements and Voting Bloc Most Likely to be Influenced by Them

List of My Important Endorsements and Voting Bloc Most Likely to be Influenced by Them

Thursday, October 23rd 10:18PM

Dear Diary,

Came to realization today that if voters still undecided at this point in election cycle, there is good chance that they are completely unconscious. Will likely be difficult to sway voters if they cannot see handsome face, hear sweet words, or feel inspired by message of hope and change. Have decided instead to utilize innate human characteristic: The Herd Mentality. New campaign slogan: Everyone’s Doing It!

List of Important Endorsements and Voting Bloc Most Likely to be Influenced by Them

National Organization of Women to persuade women. Planned Parenthood to persuade sexually active women. The National Association of Muslim American Women to persuade Muslim American Women. Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton to persuade former U.S. presidents. Billy Joel to persuade Billy Joel fans. Colin Powell and Scott McClellan to persuade Bush supporters. Billy Crystal and Gene Wilder to persuade old people. Blake Lively to persuade teenagers who watch Gossip Girl. All newspapers ever to persuade people who are literate. Toni Morrison to persuade high school graduates who were required to read Beloved in their English class. Vera Wang to persuade women who covet expensive wedding gowns. Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and Scarlett Johansson to persuade people who fantasize about actors and actresses. James Watson to persuade people who have DNA.

Plan is foolproof.

However, am worried John will retaliate with new TV attack ads: “Didn’t your mother warn you about jumping off a bridge just because all of your friends were doing it?” Will ask David how to counter such assaults.

Anyway, have most important endorsement: the polls!

Hopefully yours, Barack