Getting Divorced? No Sex for You!

Getting Divorced? No Sex for You!

This is one of those propositions that should be filed under “Dumbest Laws and Wastes of Tax Dollars Ever.” Seriously, they should make a TV show for the asinine stuff that our legislators seem to have endless amounts of time to dream up, something along the lines of The World’s Dumbest Criminals. And the weirdest part is that the law is in Massachusetts, one of the most liberal states in the country—a place where you’d think your sex life wouldn’t be in the law books.

The law being proposed is simple enough: if you’re filing for divorce and you are a parent, you can’t have sex with anyone—anyone—until your divorce is over.

I’ll wait while you laugh.

The law comes from a well-intentioned place, I suppose; it’s to protect the kids during the divorce from being confused by their parents’ sexual relationships. Of course, it’s flawed in dozens of ways, and how the hell do they even hope to enforce it, is what I want to know? Put cameras in the homes of people getting divorced?

This proposed law is so screwed up on a number of levels. I don’t even know where to begin. It discriminates against parents, for one; childless people who are separating get to have some nookie while those with kids don’t? That just doesn’t seem fair, does it—and it doesn’t fit with every other sex law the country tries to implement, especially when the government’s constantly trying to get those of us who will have kids to keep reproducing anyway. Counterintuitive much, Massachusetts?

If kids are going to get a glimpse of confusing sexual relationships—and they all are, in some way or another, if they don’t live in a cave somewhere—it’s not going to be limited to relationships out of a divorce. What about extramarital affairs, open marriages, couples who have kids but aren’t married, and plenty of other non-traditional situations? Laws like this assume that every family is a nuclear one when in fact, such a thing seems to be becoming the stuff of legends. This can be good or bad, depending on the family, but the point is that just because there is no divorce involved, it doesn’t mean a kid isn’t going to witness something sexual that confuses him or her.

Then there’s the whole “after the divorce is finalized” part of the law. So it’s okay to have sex after the divorce, just not during? Call me crazy, but kids are going to be confused during and after a divorce whether you have sex with someone else or not—and I think most parents know not to let their kids see them having “sleepovers” with other consenting adults.

There’s that phrase, too—consenting adults. That’s what married people are. So they get to decide what to do with their bodies and with whom, whenever they want, divorced or not. The second the government is allowed to step in and dictate sex laws—oh, wait, they do that already with gay rights, reproductive rights, and sex toy shops, don’t they? Well, never mind then, Massachusetts; it seems you are in accordance with the status quo already, so carry on.