Crist is Expensive

Crist is Expensive

I just got back from Florida and boy does my wallet hurt. No, I'm not talking about all those twelve-dollar Acai Colada cocktails I drank, though they were pretty damn tasty. I'm talking about buying off Charlie Crist. I'm not gonna lie, we really need to shore up the Senate with Democrats come November. It's really important that we get Florida on our side. That place has been poisoned by the likes of the Bush clan for way too long. Seriously, the Bush family put down roots in Florida just so they could have another vacation spot. Jeb never knew a damn thing about the politics in the region. One day I was talking with him and he let slip that he thought all the Cubans in his state were Mexican. With the Senate race coming up in just a few months, I didn't need two Republicans on the Florida ticket. Especially not with a Dem named "Meek" holding the line.

I know I make a big deal about names all the time, but if anyone should know what a pain in the keister the wrong kind of name can be in the world of politics, it's me. I know I said I had a 50-state strategy, but I was never so naive that I thought I had a chance in West Virginia. Not with a name like Barack Obama. Democrats already have a bad (and sadly deserved) reputation for being pushovers. A guy on the ticket named Meek has an uphill battle already. What's he gonna do when his increased name recognition reveals that he's black? I do not envy that guy, not for one second. Sure, there are more registered Democrats in Florida today than there were last year, but Meek's gotta grab a demographic that trends just somewhere north of ancient. A lot of those people probably had "colored" servants growing up and now he has to convince them that he ought to represent them in Congress.

Meanwhile, the GOP had a teacher-loving champion with a name that was one letter shy of the most popular demi-god on the planet. That was not gonna bode well for anyone looking to make Florida a blue state. That's why I made a clandestine journey down to Miami where I arranged a meeting with Crist and his beard, Carole. We had some nosh, talked about maybe renting a fishing boat for a half day, commented on the beautiful weather. You know, usual Florida small talk. Oh, and I also paid him an immodest sum of freshly minted bills to immediately cease being a Republican. The guy drives a hard bargain. I was sure the amount I brought with me would have convinced him to be a soft Democrat but it was only fuel enough to get him to confirmed Independent. Oh, well.

I was a bit disappointed, but then Michelle pointed something out to me. Charlie Crist has a higher than expected chance of winning that Senate seat as an Independent. His Republican opponent is buddy-buddy with the Tea Party, so he's no threat, and we've already talked about Meek. I think it's pretty clear that the Democrats will never push the GOP out of the game, but a strong Independent presence just might do the trick. All told, Crist might have been doing me a favor. Call me an idealist (wouldn't be the first time), but Charlie Crist might actually care about America.